Where’s My Jet Pack?
I want a jet pack more than any other piece of gadgetry my childhood dreams promised me I would possess when I was an adult in The Future. It seemed like such an easy thing to accomplish when I was six. All you needed were a couple of rockets of moderate power attached to the back of a harness, a bright red start button, a joystick for steering and a snazzy silver jumpsuit and helmet. Hey, it was my childhood vision, a silver jumpsuit and helmet were a part of the dream. Yet, here I am, all grown up and no jet pack. James Bond had one. Boba Fett had one. The Robinson’s had one on Lost in Space. If they all managed to make one then how come I don’t have one sitting in my garage?
I decided to do a little research. First, I found the most ridiculous water jet pack thing ever. All I could think of were those clips you see on the news when they have no actual news and instead they show scenes of a surfing squirrel to fill the time. Only this was worse. You’re attached to a giant hose and water shoots out of the jets as you zoom through the air. At first glance this guy looks like he’s someone’s nemesis. “I am WaterJetMan and I am here to destroy you and rule the world with my evil jet pack of watery evil! Mwah ha ha ha!” Really, it’s that silly and it’s not at all useful and I would not be able to wear my silver jumpsuit. Fail.
So I kept searching and found some equally ridiculous options. There are some with wings that fold along your back and then pop out when you’re ready to launch. Add a little purple and green paint and you’d look just like Buzz Lightyear. Now, I love Buzz as much as the next girl, but I don’t want to look like him while flying my jet pack. And there are more than a few that have been created by the military and enthusiasts with extra time on their hands and a few dollars in their pockets. In fact, a bunch of these inventors ended up getting contracts to develop these specifically for the military. They’d make a prototype or two, and then the military would declare the product impractical and it’d disappear. Wait a minute. The military is collecting all the best minds in the field of jet pack development and hoarding their skills on secret projects! A government conspiracy is crushing my childhood dreams. Somewhere there’s a real James Bond escaping a real Dr. No…and he has my jet pack!