If Geeks Ran The Oscars….
The last few days have been filled with debate over The Oscars. Who looked great and who looked like they threw on the first outfit they found in their closet? Who should have won Best Picture or Best Actor or Best Whatever? The only thing most folks seem to agree on is that this year’s show wasn’t the most engaging evening of television ever produced. Even though Anne Hathaway and James Franco were supposed to invigorate the program with their youth and pretty faces, it was mostly a giant yawn. The blame for this is getting thrown in every direction possible, but what’s done is done and I think everyone should be focusing on how to make a better show next year. If they want something more fun and engaging and interesting that will keep viewers awake right through Best Picture, then I have the solution. They need to turn the whole thing over to the Geeks.
Let’s start with the hosts. They don’t have to be famous. They just have to be enthusiastic and excited to be a part of The Oscars. The average Theater Geek would have more energy than the last ten years of hosts combined. Find a way to harness just a small bit of that and we could probably power the City of Los Angeles for a month as an added benefit. And a Theater Geek would be comfortable in front of a live audience. No worries if someone goes off script or a joke falls flat, these guys actually know how to improvise when things go wrong. They are the perfect solution to the awkward host problem.
Now, let’s add some fun to the show. No, dressing up your male co-host as Marilyn Monroe does not count as fun. I mean, the outfit was the right color, but the fit was just terrible. What we need here are some Cosplay Geeks. These are people who not only know how to make a costume look fantastic and accurate down to the last detail, but they know how to do it on the cheap. In fact, they could probably design and construct at least half a dozen unbelievable costumes as an homage to the movies nominated for less than the cost of a single tassel on Anne Hathaway’s dress. Just imagine, instead of ridiculously tall models escorting the winners off-stage this year, we could have had cowboys, kings and ballerinas.
Lastly, what about the actual awards presentation? It’s the reason everyone is there and the reason we all watch. Two actors walk out onstage, open a little red-ribboned envelope. Winner arrives. Oscar is presented. Speech is cut off. Winner is escorted away by ridiculously tall models mentioned earlier. Bor-ing. What we need is the gratuitous application of technology and that means Science Geeks. I’m talking moving sidewalks and custom vehicles delivering the actors to the podium. I’m talking a podium that rises from the floor in a haze of smoke and possibly pyrotechnics. No need to have the orchestra start playing to cut off a long-winded acceptance speech, just deploy the Oscar Bot of Death. His mere appearance at the side of the stage would send stars scurrying for the exit. Finally, instead of walking quickly backstage with their awards, winners could be magically lifted from the stage into the heavens. Oh, you may be laughing now, but you know you’d be glued to your set all night to see this awards show. Bring on the Geeks!