Ewoks vs. Hobbits
We’ve had Pirates vs. Ninjas and Kirk vs. Picard but what about Ewoks vs. Hobbits? A good Geek is supposed to love Hobbits but hate those cute little Ewoks. It’s as natural as breathing, or doing the Vulcan salute or saying “Use the Force!” when an object is out of reach, but not for me. I am standing up for those little furballs. I love Ewoks and couldn’t care less about the fate of the Hobbits. They’re troublemakers who can’t walk half a mile without a snack break and they have dirty, hairy feet. Ewoks, on the other hand, are adorable and I love them. I know this is an act of Geek Heresy so terrible the universe may implode at the very notion. However, if you think about it, really think about it, you’re better off with cute, furry Ewoks than you are with hairy-footed Hobbits.
#1 Ewoks are better in a fight. They took out Imperial Stormtroopers with nothing more than rocks and logs and a bunch of slingshots. Then they used their helmets as bongo drums during the big victory celebration. Hobbits? They pretty much cower in fear at any sign of danger and often attract that danger by making too much noise.
#2 Ewoks live in beautiful treehouse cities with giant wooden bridges that run from tree to tree. It’s the kind of thing you wish you’d built with your Dad in your backyard and aspire to build as an adult. Hobbits? They live in holes. In the ground.
#3 Ewoks are born leaders. The rebels, including a Jedi, land on Endor and they are guided on their journey by the Ewoks. That’s right, they lead a Jedi. Hobbits? They just follow along behind the brave, all powerful Fellowship, trying to sneak a snack and doing lots of nothing.
I know that this isn’t a popular opinion, but it’s the right one. Feel free to leave a comment and try to prove otherwise. Ewoks FTW!